Everybody has offered their two cents on Anthony Bourdain. Here’s mine.

9 Jun

We want one-size-fits-all advice. All of us. Links that promise “This one simple trick will make any woman fall in love with you!” or “How to win your fantasy league every time” get attention because hey, it’s a cheat code. Up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-B-A-start, and suddenly life is that much easier. It sucks if life is hard. It sucks that much less if it’s hard but you can pretend you’re that close to unlocking the way to make it not suck. Continue reading


Eulogy for my dad

17 Dec

Part of this is something I started to write years ago. I honestly tried to sit down and write about dad 20 different times over the years. I wish I had really done it, because he was just a fascinating dude, and a story about him written while he was alive would have been a damn good one.

Here’s the part I wrote before:

There is a line of thinking that says that you stop being a “little kid” when you realize your parents are fallible, or at least aren’t invincible. It’s hard to cling to the little-kid worldview when at the same time confronted with the reality that your parents aren’t invincible or close. And by that definition, I stopped being a child really young. It’s hard to win a schoolyard “my dad could beat up your dad!” contest while at the same time having to help care for your dad’s foot after he slipped when cutting the grass and managed to mow his own foot. He had his first major surgery when I was in seventh grade, and from then on we always knew dad could theoretically go whenever the fates deemed it time. Continue reading

Strong opinion sent to the Chicken Tender Store

15 Sep

Presented without comment, here’s a hand-written and photocopied letter that got mailed to O’Charley’s today. Yes, O’Charley’s:

Continue reading

What happens to a dream deferred?

16 Oct


The other day at work, my buddy came up to me to talk about my zombie book. A while back, he had expressed excitement about reading the book, and asked if I’d email him the manuscript so he wouldn’t have to wait for the scheduled-for-May publication. (If you’re new, I announced a while back that I had been signed to a three-book deal by apocalyptic publisher Permuted Press.)

Anyway, my buddy — Brent — said that he had sat down to read my book recently, but couldn’t get far into it. “I just don’t like reading on my phone,” he said. “I’ll definitely read it when I can buy the actual book.”

Sounds nice, yeah? Sure, it’d be nice if he was so excited about my work that he tore through it as soon as the words were in his possession, but regardless, my friend was speaking excitedly to me about buying a real, no-foolin’ book that had my name on the cover. Pretty cool, right?

I almost cried. Continue reading

I earned a million karma points tonight

9 May

I love my sister, but sometimes her planning abilities are not up to par.

She had invited me to my niece’s dance recital Thursday night. On the one hand, a bunch of Little Tinys dancing for a couple hours is not an impressive event, but on the other, I had the night off and insist on being a good uncle. So I agreed to go. Continue reading

Story Of My Life

31 Jan

Thursday was my day off from work, which naturally meant I had to get up at 6:30 in order to go pick my dad up for a doctor’s appointment. Haha, very funny, life, you big jerk. Continue reading

Rob Thomas and Carlos Santana will never sing about me

1 Nov

I am the least smooth person on the planet. Whatever gene we get, or class we take, or whatever it is, that makes the cool folk know what to say in social situations, or how to woo that special someone, I missed it. But you probably know that; heck, you’re in my blog, and the phrase “my blog” is like the Not Smooth Guy’s calling card. Continue reading